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Joke Character Sheet: Billy Mays

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Billy-Mays1
Name:

William Darrell "Billy" Mays

Alias:

God, THE MAN WHO SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS, The reason we all called now, A god amongst pitchmen.

Powers And Abilities: 

Advertising and selling anything, everything, and nothingknowing very well you will buy everything he sells until you're too poor to pay him. You will be warned of his prescence when you hear his booming voice and signature catchphraseBut it's too late , as he is Billy Mays, the god of pitchmen. And he's about to triple the offer, so I suggest you best get on the ball as soon as fucking possible. Legend has it his Oxi Clean deals can wipe away 99.9% of stains across entire multiverses, only for the cheap price of 19.95!  His Kaboom deals have been known to equal the power of sixteen big bangs, and he can amplify the power one hundred and sixty if needed

Background:

Hi, Billy Mays here for the origin of Billy Mays!

Do you want to know where, why or how Billy Mays was created?

Then I've got the solution for you!

It's called Wikipedia!

Quotes:

"Hi! Billy Mays here!"

"Wheather it's this shit, that shit, any shit, heavy or light, big or small, Billy Mays will take your shit and sell it all!  Billy Mays can sell ice in a snow storm! Billy Mays can sell shit in a sewer! So hold your dick steady, and get your credit card ready, because here I go!"

Weaknesses:

None, he sold all of them to Anthony Sullivan.

Theme:

ナイト・オブ・ナイツ Night of Billy Mays03:02

ナイト・オブ・ナイツ Night of Billy Mays

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